clarity is a byproduct

for a long time i thought clarity was something you arrived at before you started. that one day the path would resolve, the doubt would lift, and then i'd be allowed to begin. so i waited. i made plans about plans. i mistook the waiting for diligence.

the realization that changed things was small and a little embarrassing: clarity is derived from action, not the other way around. you don't think your way to certainty and then move. you move, and the certainty shows up behind you, built one step at a time.

certainty isn't a precondition. it's a byproduct.

the people who look like they had a clearer map didn't. they just started walking sooner, and the map filled in as they went. mine does too, every time i stop planning the route and take the next real step.

so when i don't know what to do now, i don't treat that as a reason to wait. i treat it as the normal condition of someone standing at a fork, which is a sign i've advanced, not that i'm lost. the trap is dressing the waiting up as work, which i wrote about in fear in the costume of diligence.